Soft Coaching Invite To Chronic Exhaustion Recovery

Why Pushing Yourself Harder Won't Fix Your Always Being Tired

There was a time when I thought exhaustion meant I wasn't trying hard enough, so I did what many people do.

I went to sleep earlier, gulped coffee like there was no tomorrow, and somehow pushed through. I kept telling myself that I needed to be more organized, more disciplined, and more efficient.

My "fix my life in a week" plan was a disaster. Nothing worked!

And that's because my problem wasn't a lack of effort, but my nervous system had forgotten what it meant to timeout.

I finished my previous article, mentioning that learning to adjust your nervous system is a valuable skill. Expanding on that, I meant that your body has learned to live in a high-energy mode. Just like learning to play a musical instrument, or how to drive, you can also learn how to shift out of this destructive mode.

Actions like the ones below are the ones that changed everything for me, and for the many people I support:

Don't be put off if it might sound a little technical, but in real life it looks like this:

After a full night, you still wake up tired, and your shoulders are tight before the day even starts. Your breathing is shallow, while your brain never really stops talking.

The sad thing about it is that all this most probably feels like "normal life" to you, and not stress anymore. Long-term pressure has a way of doing that.

Your system gets used to being badly bruised, with the following symptoms:

Braced muscles and fast, shallow breathing. Your thoughts race, and you always feel "on" round the clock. Your body tends to adapt to that as its baseline, and it will feel quite normal.

Your Nervous System Needs Regulating

By nervous system regulation, I simply mean teaching your body that it's safe to change from "Red Alert" to "Stand Down".

Standing down can mean:

• Breathing slower, and in a specific way, where you exhale for a longer period than you inhale

• Eliminate, or at least reduce, stimulation before bedtime, and that includes scrolling like crazy

• Opt for gentle movements on some days instead of only intensive workouts

• Your system loves predictable routines, so apply them as much as you can

• Sit still for periods and absorb the silence.

The surprising part after applying the above is that at first, you might feel uncomfortable, even bored. Some people tend to occasionally feel restless or anxious when their surroundings become quiet.

This is by no means a sign of failure. It's just a sign that your system isn't used to being safe.

Once you start to notice, "Ah, my system is in stress mode," and then figure out how to unwind is a learned skill, and not something you either have or don't.

Learn to Set Boundaries

People who end up exhausted are most likely the same type of person. They most probably have the same character traits, such as being reliable, helpful, responsible, and who can handle the situation at hand.

These people are great to have as friends or allies, but their energy account is always in the red.

Before I understood this, I always thought that boundaries were limitations, where I meant saying "no" more. However, it runs deeper than that.

Practical and lifesaving boundaries to stick to are things like not checking emails at night, or filling every weekend with things that can wait. You should also shy away from saying "yes" out of pure guilt, and not being available 24/7. Also, you don't have to over-explain your choices, as it's your life after all, and you do what's best for you first, and your loved ones.

The hardest part of the above is knowing it.

And the other hardest part is tolerating feelings that come up when you put your foot down.

Nobody likes letting someone be disappointed, I agree, and you can't always be the fixer, or leaving something unfinished, but choosing rest over productivity is essential for your health.

All this can generate guilt, a level of anxiety, and even a sense of loss in a weird sort of way. Many are those who would prefer to remain exhausted than sit with that type of discomfort.

This is where support really matters. Not for the "how" side, but for the emotions involved.

Practising boundaries, knowing you're still safe, still appreciated, still fine even when you're not over-giving, is what it's all about, and it's super huge for your nervous system.

Safely Building Back Your Energy

When people feel exhausted, most likely they end up panic-fixing, which I don't recommend.

They try pulling themselves out of their situation by starting intense exercise plans, going over the top with productivity, and facelift their entire life in a week.

Note: I've done this, and it feels great, even powerful, for the whole of about three days, then everything comes crashing down.

The disastrous end to your attempts, even though made in good faith, only goes to stress your system even more.

Building back your energy safely is carried out slowly and steadily.

You can do this by making small, consistent changes instead of sensational ones. Things like supporting your blood sugar levels and eating healthy, as well as adding rest before adding even more effort, while stabilizing sleep and daily rhythms.

As you go along, increase capacity gradually.

Imagine you're recovering from an injury. You don't go around sprinting like a lunatic on a healing ankle. Yet, where exhaustion is concerned, people constantly try to sprint their way out of it.

Note: Steady energy doesn't come from intensity, but from stability.

Where Does Support Come Into The Picture?

Your brain is already about to blow a gasket when you're exhausted.

At that point, it's not a good idea to try to analyse yourself, manage stress, redesign your life, and set loads of boundaries all at the same time. This is nothing short of overwhelming, and it tends to turn recovery into another form of pressure.

Gentle guidance helps by showing what to focus on first (instead of everything at once). You normalize what you're experiencing, and helping you see patterns you can't spot from inside. Keep your changes realistic and not extreme, and support consistency when your motivation hits a low.

All these things together make the process calmer, and not another thing to "get right" sooner than later, and at all costs.

Simply Put

It's not about trying harder, but by recognizing that "My system has been in survival mode."

Once you accept that, learn, step by step, "How do I help my body feel safe enough to rest once more?"

The change, from constant overload to taking it easy, has nothing to do with changing your personality. It's nothing but a skill, and you can learn it at your own pace.